Do you ever feel like you’re caught in a never-ending loop when it comes to your anxiety? You know the one. Something small (or big) sets off your anxious thoughts, and before you know it, you’re avoiding situations, seeking reassurance, and feeling a brief wave of relief... only for the cycle to repeat itself. If this sounds all too familiar, you're not alone.

Anxiety can feel like a hamster wheel—constantly spinning, but never really getting anywhere. The more we try to escape the feelings of anxiety, the tighter its grip becomes. But what if there was a way to stop that cycle from controlling your life? The good news is, there is a way, and the first step is understanding how this anxiety loop works.

What Is the Anxiety Cycle?

Let’s break it down. The anxiety cycle is a pattern of behavior that keeps anxiety alive and thriving. It usually looks something like this:

1. Trigger – Something sparks your anxiety. It could be a stressful situation, a thought, or even a feeling in your body.

2. Anxiety Increases – Your mind races, your heart pounds, and you start to feel overwhelmed.

3. Avoidance or Seeking Reassurance – You avoid the anxiety-inducing situation, or you reach out to someone for reassurance.

4. Temporary Relief – Ahh, that feels better... but only for a short time.

5. Cycle Repeats – The next time something triggers your anxiety, the whole process starts over again.

This cycle can make you feel stuck, like no matter what you do, the anxiety keeps creeping back. But here’s the key: avoiding the situation or seeking reassurance might feel good in the moment, but it actually fuels the cycle, making it harder to manage your anxiety in the long run.

Why Avoidance and Reassurance Make Anxiety Worse

It’s totally understandable that when we feel anxious, we want to do whatever it takes to make it stop. Who wouldn’t? But when we avoid the things that make us anxious or constantly ask others to reassure us, we’re actually teaching our brain that the fear is something to be avoided at all costs. We reinforce the idea that we can’t handle the situation or feelings on our own.

And guess what happens the next time anxiety strikes? The fear gets stronger, and the urge to avoid or seek reassurance becomes even more tempting. This is how the cycle keeps going.

So, what can we do to stop it?

Recognizing the Cycle: The First Step to Change

The first, most important step is simply recognizing when you’re in the cycle. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotions and not even realize what’s happening. If you’re constantly feeling anxious, avoiding certain situations, or finding yourself asking others if everything’s “okay” multiple times, you might be stuck in this loop.

Take a moment to reflect:

• What are the common triggers for your anxiety?

• How do you typically react when anxiety kicks in?

• Are you avoiding situations or asking others for reassurance to feel better?

Understanding your own personal anxiety cycle is powerful because it gives you the awareness needed to make changes.

Breaking the Cycle: Practical Tips to Regain Control

Okay, now that you’re aware of the cycle, let’s talk about what you can actually do to break free from it. Don’t worry, it’s not about stopping your anxiety altogether—because let’s be real, anxiety is a natural part of life. But you can learn to respond to it in a healthier way that doesn’t keep the cycle going.

1. Face, Don’t Avoid

One of the hardest but most effective ways to break the cycle is to stop avoiding the things that make you anxious. I know, that sounds pretty terrifying. But every time you avoid something, you reinforce the idea that it’s dangerous or too overwhelming to handle.

Instead, try taking small steps to face your fears. Start with something manageable and work your way up. The more you expose yourself to the situation without avoiding it, the more your brain will realize that it’s not as scary as it seems. Over time, the anxiety will start to lose its power.

For example:

• If social situations make you anxious, start by attending small gatherings before diving into larger events.

• If you’re anxious about public speaking, practice in front of a friend or family member before speaking to a bigger audience.

2. Resist the Urge for Constant Reassurance

Seeking reassurance from others might feel good for a few minutes, but it’s not a long-term solution. It can actually make you more dependent on others to calm your anxiety, rather than learning how to handle it on your own.

Next time you’re tempted to ask someone for reassurance, pause for a moment. Ask yourself: "What am I hoping to hear? Can I provide that reassurance to myself instead?" You might find that you have the tools within you to calm your anxiety without needing someone else to tell you everything’s going to be okay.

3. Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts

Anxiety has a sneaky way of making us believe things that aren’t true. It’s like a master storyteller, convincing us that the worst-case scenario is inevitable. But you have the power to challenge those anxious thoughts.

When anxiety strikes, ask yourself:

• "What’s the evidence that this fear is true?"

• "Is there another way to look at this situation?"

• "What’s the worst that could realistically happen, and how would I handle it?"

By questioning your anxious thoughts, you can start to see them for what they are—just thoughts, not facts.

4. Practice Self-Compassion

Let’s be real: dealing with anxiety is hard work. It takes courage to face your fears, challenge your thoughts, and break the cycle. So, be kind to yourself along the way. If you have a setback or fall back into old habits, don’t beat yourself up. Change takes time, and progress isn’t always linear.

When you’re feeling frustrated or stuck, remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.

5. Focus on What You Can Control

Anxiety often thrives when we focus on things we can’t control—what other people think, the future, or hypothetical scenarios. Instead, try shifting your focus to the things you can control, like how you respond to the anxiety.

Here are a few things you can control:

• Your breathing: Practicing deep, mindful breathing can help calm your body’s stress response.

• Your routine: Sticking to a daily routine can create a sense of stability, even when your mind feels chaotic.

• Your self-talk: Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Replace harsh, judgmental thoughts with more supportive, compassionate ones.

When to Seek Professional Help

If you’ve been trying to break the anxiety cycle on your own but feel stuck, it might be time to reach out for extra support. A therapist can help you understand your anxiety better, teach you coping skills, and work with you to create a plan to break the cycle.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), for example, is one approach that’s been proven to help people manage anxiety by changing unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors. Exposure therapy is another powerful tool that helps you face your fears in a safe, controlled way.

Moving Forward:

Breaking the cycle of anxiety isn’t easy, but with practice and persistence, it’s absolutely possible. Remember, it’s not about getting rid of anxiety altogether—it’s about learning to respond to it in a way that doesn’t keep you stuck. Start small, be kind to yourself, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.